Terrors in the Night

I was up, again, last night. Much like many of my other mommy friends, I'm sure. However, we were not waken because of baby crying or the fact that I'm six months pregnant and have to pee every 2 hours. No. Instead, we were up again, because of our V'leah.

My 3 year old is an eccentric little person, to say the least. Life with 'leah is never dull, never slow and rarely "normal" -whatever normal is. Her little mind and her strength astound and scare me at the same time. This is the girl who walked at 7 months, who tried to climb out a living room window around her 1st birthday, who potty trained herself (even overnight) with little help or coaxing from me or dad and who often reminds us that she can do things "herself", a little girl who loves all things beautiful and wants nothing more in life (at least at this point in time) than to be loved by God and to be like her current hero, "Angelina Ballerina"-a cartoon mouse. I don't mention these traits about her to brag, although I'm sure when I'm an elder I will, but instead as a plea for prayer! There are many times when I wish she came along with a "caution" sign, so others could understand her better. We don't need people to feel sorry for us or to try to parent our child for us, but instead, prayer and encouragement goes a very, very long ways, in this house.

Last nights incident has unfortunately worked it's way into the "one of those nights" categories, for daddy and I. Last night, around 1am, while most of the other "littles" in our town were fast asleep (or so I hope!), our V'leah was experiencing a night terror. This time, when I found her, she was in a corner squeezing her bunny (named: funny), crying and squealing, "EWE! GROSS! THE WORMS! THE WORMS!"

I cannot begin to tell you how heart wrenching it is to see my brave and strong little girl, so afraid of....nothing. A terror is just that, it's nothing. I've been doing some research in order to try to understand this occurrence and what I've found is that terrors are known to happen between the 3rd and 4th stages of NON-REM sleep. So what she is experiencing is not even fully classified as a dream! Dreams happen during our REM stage, this is a light and fluttery stage of sleep. The point where V'leah is finding worms and swarms of mosquitoes and beetles that haunt her in her sleep is a point of the sleep cycle where her body is in a deep mode of rest, yet somehow, her mind is creating these creatures (for her they are bugs) that cause so much fear and panic, that it wakes her into what is usually a zombie-like (for lack of better terms) cognition. When a person wakes from such a deep rest/sleep, their hearts will often race and they are usually confused and disoriented. Many adults have experienced this feeling when waking from a noise in the house or from a spouse moving in the bed. Usually they are outside elements that cause us to wake, in such a slumber. But for V'leah, her "waking elements" are invisible and do not exists. Hers are fabricated somewhere in that intense little mind of hers.

So last night, after trying to converse with her about the bugs, after checking over every inch of her bed and under the covers too, just to be sure that there were no worms and that indeed she was safe in her own room, she was finally able to trust me and crawl back into her cute little bed. We prayed and I reminded her of something I was recently taught, to combat my own scary nights: to wake up our minds and point out that the objects are "not real"! She then turned over, with funny in hands, and drifted quickly back to sleep. 

But then, I was up. My mind spent the better part of the rest of the night trying to figure out where this is coming from. The research says that there is no specific cause and it usually subsides itself, over time, but that stress can be part of it along with a growing nervous system. "OK", says my mind, "lets logically solve this, then". Stress....I lay there in bed like many recent nights since this has been happening, envisioning our day in reverse, over and over and over again. My own incredibly tired mind struggles through thoughts of inadequacy as a mother, of where I failed her through the day, of how I could have done things differently...better. Thoughts like, "I yelled at her....more than once", "We didn't follow a strict routine", "she must have watched one to many episodes of her favorite show", "we didn't play together enough", "I didn't take her outside to play", "she had to much sugar or low quality food".......Thoughts like these quickly remind me of the LOADS of people who frequently tell us, "change her diet", "that girl needs MORE routine and consistency", "she needs punishment and consequences", "she shouldn't eat certain foods", "she needs energy outlets to work it all off", "you should talk with her more", "you should pray with her more", "you should have her in programs with other kids", "you should have her in programs to use her energy", and the list goes on and on and on....

I am sure other mothers out there understand these sorts of conversations. I've probably suggested things to other moms myself, without realizing how stressful and damaging they could possibly end up becoming. We try to help with valid efforts because we DO care. But lately, with 'leah, honestly...the best help is a cup of coffee and an "I've been there". Or an escape away with my hubby, even just for a couple hours so that we can collect ourselves! Or a smile and a helping hand.

Most days I'm tired. Most days I'm broken as a parent, and learning. Most days I feel inadequate and try to remind God that I'm not strong enough for the things (and people) He gives to me. Most days I wish I could hit rewind and start over again. Most days it is the little things, the hugs and kisses, the "I love yous" and the kind (and rare) moments when I accidentally catch my girls being nice to each other that keep my little light shining. I'm so thankful for the little things. They are really BIG things in my life. They bring joy into my heart and remind me that even though I truly might not be strong enough for all of this, God IS, and He is with me in this crazy journey called life and parenting. I'm not alone. Even in the darkest hours of the night, when all I want to do is cry and take these scary "terrors in the night" away and help my baby have peace....He is there, His spirit encouraging me to wake up one more time. To be strong for her. To be strong for me, and, that this to shall pass.

Have any of you experienced anything like these "night terrors" with your children? If so, what has helped you combat them?