Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

Do I truly love at all?!

Who is this virtuous woman that Proverbs 31 talks about?! Is it even possible for us women, to live up to these standards today?

YES. ABSOLUTELY.

In the last post, we discussed how the first step in being Virtuous is Salvation and discipleship. Moving forward, the next two verses that describe this woman, that we aspire to be, are INCREDIBLY important. I would say that next to the Salvation portion, these are likely the next most important parts for us to get down.

WHY? You might ask….

They deal with our character. Who we are and how we act. From there, Proverbs 31 goes on to describe the “things” that she does, in order to be viewed (from others) as a Vitreous woman. But those things are not even valid and merely become works of “vanity”, unless we first establish our character.

OK, here we go ladies….Proverbs 31:11, 12

(11) The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

(12) She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Let’s break these down and grasp an understanding of how they affect our Character as a woman and individual.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Can your husband have confidence in your personality? Can he trust you to be faithful to him? Can he trust that your mind is stable and your decisiveness is smooth? Is your husband married to an even tempered woman? Or is his wife’s emotions swayed like the wind, changing with each new breeze?

Next,

Do you actually do good to your husband? The kind of good that includes NO manipulation or hidden motives? Do you do good to him, only because you love him and want him to know that he is important, needed, special, loved, treasured? Or does your “good” come with conditions?

Vs. 11: the heart of a virtuous woman’s husband trusts her. Trust is vital in any relationship! This trust does not only imply a faithful and monogamous unity. It also implies that our temperament be steady. For example, can your husband talk to you about things that are important to him? Or, does he keep much to himself, because he knows that his wife will oppose him, or will change the topic to herself and then end up nagging at him. Does he have a wife that finds joy in life and in her walk with the Lord? Is her temper mild and she is able to get along well with those living in her own home? Or does she pace the halls, just waiting for one more person to disappoint her or set her off?!

Image taken from: www.afterdeployment.org

Are our motives pure and clean? Or do we use manipulation to get what we want?! The book of Proverbs speaks multiple times on a manipulative and whiney wife.

^“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” -Proverbs 21:9

^“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” –Proverbs 21:19

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” –Proverbs 25:24

Get the point?!

Here’s the deal, we all have our bad days. No one is asking you to be perfect. But if your down days are outweighing your good days, maybe it’s time to check your attitude. Imagine how this affects your husband and children?!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my husband to feel like it is better to live on our roof, or wander in the wilderness…than live with me! I don’t want him to come home every day and only desire to speak 2 words to me!  If I turn him away, where will he go?! Well, take a look around. Where do most husbands go, when their wives cause them to dislike their home life….they go to pornography, or into the arms of another woman!

NO WAY! NOT MY MAN! I want him to want me! I want him to find joy in me! I desire for him to talk to me and laugh with me and pray together, enjoy time together, grow old together! And I will do whatever it takes to make sure that I’ve done my part in this marriage! I cannot change my husband. He’s not 20 years old anymore and not the guy he was when we first met (praise God for that!). Yes, there are qualities that I miss…but how awesome is it that we can GROW together! I’m not 20 years old anymore either, and have no business looking for anyone that acts that age!

Here is something I learned, right at the start of our marriage. If we expect that our husbands will fulfill us and make our lives full of joy and peace, then we are sadly mistaken. They will fail. Every time. Joy and peace are attributes of God’s spirit (read previous post). My husband will NEVER measure up, if I set unrealistic standards. The only standards I can set are those that affect my own thoughts and actions. It’s strange how things turn out when we stop pointing our fingers at our men, and start looking in the mirror. Get your mirrors out, ladies. What does your countenance look like?! What message are you sending, with your own attitudes? Check yourself and find out how much easier it is to appreciate the gift (husband) that God made for you!

Although God made them to be the heads of their homes and families, he made women to be the help mate! You are VITALLY important!!! Not second place. Not less important. VITALLY important! For this reason, I strive to be virtuous! At the end of my life, I only desire to hear 2 things. 

• 1. How much my husband and children loved and appreciated me; how I positively affected their lives. 
• 2. To hear my savior and creator say to me, “well done, my good and faithful servant”.

It is possible, sister. YOU were created to be virtuous! It will take some effort, but you are strong and capable! Love your man with your character! Love him with a sound mind and a kind heart. Do him good, not evil. Treat him like the prize he is. He is a gift that renews itself every day! Even when he’s not the most desirable (or desirable at all?!), remember, there was something about him that attracted you to him when you first got married. Hold on to that! Find that in him, daily. If you don’t see it, look harder. Sometimes our man’s greatest attributes are hidden under daily stressors of life. But you know what brings them out, in the greatest of ways? What makes your man shine?! When we step up to the plate, and make ourselves the virtuous wives that they subconsciously crave!

Check out the next post: “The Martha/Mary Experience” for a Biblical and real life application of what today’s verses look like.

Far Above Rubies

A virtuous wife. Who can find her?

The Bible says that we are to Honour our husbands. What did that mean then, and what does it mean for us wives today?

I have SO much to say on this topic (as mentioned in "Superman Breakfast"), so over the course of the next few weeks/months I will be using scripture study, historical study, contemplation, tips/tricks and refinement of my own life, to gather together blog posts that I hope will inspire you, as much as they do me!

OK, so here we go....let's start with some good old Proverbs 31 (KJV style)!

It is first important to note that Proverbs 31 was written by a man, however in fact, was inspired by his mothers teachings. So it cannot be assumed that this section of scripture is created only by the longings of a mans heart, but also from a woman of wisdom. A great start, to becoming a virtuous wife is to be mentored and discipled! In the book of Titus, Paul is writing to Titus (who is in Crete) in order that he might pass along instruction for Titus, 

in order that he would teach/disciple others. 

In Titus 2, he says,

 "But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:

2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, 

to love their children,

5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, 

that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Here we see the importance of being taught by those who have been in our shoes. 

Sister, I know you are a capable woman, but please....don't go it alone!

First thing is first. You want to be a virtuous wife? Then you need God! Can you be a good wife without him? Absolutely. A great wife? I'm sure. But I'm sorry to say,

 you will never be a virtuous wife. "Her price is far above rubies" (Prov. 31:10). 

You're value is in Christ Jesus, who paid the most valuable prices....for you.

You want to be EVERYTHING that God has created you to be (yes, this is indeed achievable), then stop making excuses, study His Holy Word (King James Version, Bible), open up communication with God by prayer (just start talking to Him about how you are feeling, the sins you struggle with, needing understanding in His word...etc....), and get into a church that does not preach and teach fancy "series" messages on how to live a good life, but one that reads you scripture that causes you to examine your life and heart and brings you into a "right" and mature relationship with your creator. As you grow in Christ 

(through proper teaching and discipleship) you will grow as a woman and wife.

There will be more to come, as we continue to dig into the scriptures. 

But for now, this is the place to start. You are valuable, sister. 

More valuable that rubies (which happen to be my favorite stone)!

CHALLENGE 1: Examine your salvation and lifestyle, concerning God. 

Then find a woman, mentor or friend, who you can go to, learn from and lean on, 

as you strive to be the virtuous wife that God created you to be.